How many plans have we made since the new beginning? And we've never been so big on making plans. But there's been so many, I've lost track. There's been London, Paris, jobs, cars, houses, there's been a plan for all things. There's been 2 hour phone calls, there's been problem solving, there's been making fun of each other, there's been love.
And yet, you keep asking, keep wondering: am I ok, am I happy, is something missing, am I satisfied? Well, we spent an evening together under the stars listening to "A whole new world" drinking martinis. I don't think any girl in the world would be unhappy with this. No matter how much I thought it was funny at the time. I'm thankful that you care, that you're making such an effort to keep me happy, and I'm sorry I give you so much trouble. But honey, know that you've basically made me want to move to Paris (ok, let's not steal Woody Allen's complete credit...), and you do know everything that means. I think you're safe for now..
Whatever it is you see in me that makes you worry, it's not sadness. It's just plain fear. Unfortunately, such fear creeps me on the most awkward moments. Like when we're enjoying our time together, or at 2 in the morning on a Tuesday. It's a simple fear that all this might crumble down, it's simple fear I might lose it all, it's simple fear of not being enough.
Silly, I know, I hear your voice say that in my head. Yet, it's not something that goes away easily. Bare with me. These fears won't be always with me. I just need you to not go anywhere when they do show up. Bare with me. I'll do my best to make them go away. And we will keep our magic.
But do keep in mind, for future reference honey, that whenever one is happy, one might also be incredibly scared of losing such happiness. Specially if one has been through misery before.