antes nunca será agora.

Tem dias que você acorda simplesmente querendo voltar pra casa. Nada mais que isso. Não é difícil, não é confuso. É só isso.

Não interessa o quanto você se sinta inteiro e completo sozinho, à distância. Não interessa todas as pessoas incríveis que você conheceu. Não interessa a quantidade de risadas e histórias que você acumulou. Não interessa. As antigas risadas, as antigas conversas, os antigos programas, os antigos colos e ombros, as antigas manhãs, tudo isso, mais cedo ou mais tarde, vai te fazer querer voltar no tempo.

Não porque antes era melhor. Mas porque antes existiu. E antes nunca mais será agora.

Talvez não deveríamos nunca pedir pra voltarmos no tempo. Talvez esse seja um dos nossos grandes erros. Mas no momento é isso que eu desejo.

Voltar para casa.

Porque para mim, chega. Eu cansei. Para mim, já deu. Enjoei.

insane

You shouldn't care.

But I do.

So what if he feels that way?

So what that I care!

They are not right about it, you know it.

How do I know it? They could be right.

It's him in their minds.

So? He was right about some things..

But he's not right about this! They would tell you it he was.

What if they didn't notice..

You're too stuborn for me..

But.. you are me.

You're going insane.

We are going insane, honey. We are..

You know, you're starting to be something you hated.

I know.

Stop being it. I hate it.

I hate it too. But it's unconscious.

Honey, now it's conscious. So stop!

Fine! I'll try..

Fine.

Fine.

(C's post inspired. sorta.)

All that's needed

Long weeks behind you, long weeks ahead of you. It felt like the whole world was on your shoulder. Everywhere you looked there were mountains to climb, with no help at all. All around there were people, friends. It didn't matter, it didn't comfort you. In fact, it made everything even more claustrophobic.

The walls were closing up on you. Time was running out. You could hear your heart beat. Tears were being held back. Sadness was being transformed in anger. You wanted nothing more than to sleep and watch old movies for the rest of the month. But you couldn't do so.

That was when he got home and you all sat around the table. You ate due to obligation. Food wasn't exactly making you feel any better.

Breaking the silence you got up, and you hugged him, and you sat on his lap, and you stayed there for good 5 minutes. And he hugged you back, wrapping his arms around you, protecting you, comforting you. His warmth and love reminding you of the obvious. The world could crumble into pieces, everyone around could abandon you, you could fail, it didn't matter. Whatever happened, he would always be by your side, he would always hold you back, dry your tears and make you laugh. Like he did when you were 6 and you fell off your bike. Like he did when you had problems with learning math. Like he did when you were the new kid and you had no friends.

He would always be the only guy that would never break your heart.

He would always be number one.

Unbelievable

"I'll be by your side forever."

"We will last 'till the end of time."

"I love you"

"This will never happen again, promise."

"We will never break."

"It didn't happen this time, but next year.. just wait!"

"It's not as bad as it seems."

"I won't tell anyone."

"Trust me."

"This time is the last time, I swear. It's the last."

Fear. Dark. Tear.

The walls keep closing. The walls keep closing. The darkness keeps coming.

Never were you ready. Are you ready? Never were you ready.

Hold in your tears. Fight all your fears. Trust yourself and block the whole world.

Things won't go back. You lost. You won. You need to let go.

It all seems so wrong. And everything escapes through your fingers.

Hold on, dear. There's more to come.

Are you ready? Never were you ready.

"None of it was ever worth the risk"

She opened her eyes and got up from the couch. The world awaited.

She checked her phone and she looked out the window. Her friends had made plans.

She was always the girl that could live by herself. She was the girl that didn't trust and didn't l-o-v-e. She had her days planned out and she had the best company. She believed in "nothing lasts forever". She was ready for endings.

The door opened. He came in and he smiled. She was breathless.

He left his coat on the table and he kept smiling at her. He had cancelled his plans.

He was always the relaxed type that took everything lightly. He was the non-believer and the cold-hearted. He had his adventures set and he had everything going right for him. He trusted himself. He could let go easily.

They had their individual routes to follow. They had their own dreams. They had their problems.

They didn't need to exchange words. Understanding each other was easy and natural. She smiled and walked on his direction. He opened his arms and embraced her with all of his heart. She realized she had no control. He wanted to fight all the odds. The most unusual and individualistic people were, ironically, wanting simply to be with each other.

The world would keep waiting that night.

soundtrack: The only exception - Paramore

Solo.

"Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they may tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them. "

Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper)