On the edge

It started to get dark, and silent. Too silent. The world was too quiet for there to be anyone else alive. The one face staring at you was not a person but a lie. A big fat lie. And it was showing you how everyone can be fooled easily. All you did was put on a mask, the smile you were looking at that exact moment, a couple of ironic sentences, a believable laugh that changed from time to time but no one seemed to notice so you felt it worked either way. The room started to feel small, and warm. Felt like being right beneath the sun on sunny summer day. The face twisted, became unpleasant, became scared, became confused. Words burst into your brain, words that were once in other people's mouths. Your head felt heavy and all the books on the wall seemed as if they were mocking you, you and your ridiculous thoughts of a future with no prospects, with no ambition. Suddenly all those people's faces popped into your head, one after the other, asking you what were you doing, what happened to you, when had you become this. You close your eyes as if that would block your memories, and you turn on the iPod as loud as possible trying to block their voices. But primerily blocking your own thoughts, your own accusations.
Truth is you need them. And you don't know what you'd do without them. You depend on them in a way that you really wish you didn't. And you try to split, to break free of this addiction your in but you fail, everytime. Curiosity, loneliness or appearant-wise-words fall upon you and you go back to where you were before.
You never lied when you said you were gonna stop the cycle, you were just scared or nervous. For a certain period you really were going to leave it all behind, but you got intimidated by what's ahead of you, realising you feal weak when you're alone and staring right back at your own future. You are weak. That's what you are. Not a liar, not a hypocrite, not fake. Just weak. You can't mess up, if you do you're done. You can't mess up if you're doing it by yourself. If you do you won't be able to try again, unless someone picks you up. And that's it. You're weak. Too weak.