Crush.

I keep asking myself why I ever stopped talking to you at all. And I know the answer. He's why. He was still in the game and I am too much of a good girl to even give others any attention. When I did start going a little off the good girl path, I refrained myself and distanced ourselves.

You make me smile, that's no news. Even when you're being mean, you still make me smile. It's like your own personal super power. Every time I talk to you I end up smiling. Even when we go through our little discussions.

People kept telling me we were cute together. I thought it was all bullshit. We couldn't look cute together. First: I already looked cute with someone else. Second: you surely would not want to look cute with me because in the end you could have any girl you wished for, so, why me? But people kept telling me that anyhow. And they kept telling me you were nicer to me than to anyone else. And that we had cute moments talking. Yet, I denied everything and said everyone was insane. Partially because I could not let myself have that crush for you, it would be wrong and disrespectful and partially because I don't like building up ideas of things based on outsider's opinions.

I realized something though. Most people have a really hard time forgetting insults. Well, I, instead, have a really hard time forgetting the first compliment you ever gave me. Seriously. I had never paid much attention to you, but it took you a simple "nice shirt" to completely make me go to the moon and back. I had no idea you had that ability to make me so happy in such a simple sentence. That's how I finally let myself think "that's the effect of a true crush".

Fact is while I was so worried of being disrespectful, the third party was, well, having a party. Soon enough, I had no reason to even consider the third party anymore. I was heartbroken by such.

But I had this class with this teacher that gave this text and it reminded me of you. So I chatted with you when I got home. And it made me smile. Like it always does. A couple weeks later, I chatted with you again. Fun. And every second of talking to you was like letting myself have that huge crush I had to hide away when we were close. It was freeing and refreshing. Nothing's quite as fun as the feeling of a big crush. So as for right now, I'm going to crush on you since I couldn't before. And I'm not even gonna care if we're miles apart. You're just a crush and I just want to feel free.

I'm just sorry I wasted all that time I could have spent with you. All that fun and all that talking. Sorry I never sat next to you more after you invited me to and told me you liked me there. I surely wanted to, just couldn't.