"No. I'm fine. Relax. It's just been hard lately. But I'm fine, promise."
She never expected to have to lie so directly to one of her oldest friends. She never expected that such lie would hurt so much and would suck so much energy from her. But there it was, the lie, taking away everything that was holding her up still. Making her hide everything again, trying to ignore the tears that wanted to fall.
"You know.. I know it's hard, but... I think you should forget about him."
"Not everything is about him."
And months later there she was remembering that night. The night she made it clear he was not responsible. Sure he triggered it, but this was far older than his presence. Yes, things got incredibly better since that confrontation. But that did not mean she forgot. She couldn't. Some things hurt too much to ever be forgotten.
She could have talked to her. She could have broken down, right there and then, in front of everyone. She could. But she didn't. They would never understand anyway. They didn't know. Every ghost had come back. Every ghost was around her at all times now. Hunting her down. Tearing her apart.
She felt naked. Fragile. She wanted nothing, thought nothing, felt nothing. And then again, she felt everything.
That's not something you forget easily. That's not something you forget ever.
Now, months later she knew that was true. No matter how happy she was, that pain, that emptiness, that moment would not leave her. She would never be able to let it go. It would always hunt her down. That's how it worked. It does not give up.
She just wished she wouldn't either.
(itunes: Skyscraper - Demi Lovato)