sexta-feira, 25 de dezembro de 2009

Sweet.

Dress first, hair, brush teeth, shoes. Grab your bag. Leave.
Pick up the phone and call. 10 minutes or less.
People go by, they laugh, they walk, they shop, they talk.
Two sit on a bench, they kiss.
It took 8 minutes. Walk inside, look around. Find no one.
Go upstairs, walk around. Call again. Get nervous.
Go downstairs, search. Continue calling. Find blue shirt. Smile.
Breathe in and out. Walk towards blue shirt. Hug. Smile bigger.
Walk outside. Fight the billions of people. Don't find the present at the shop.
Go back to the same meeting place. Holding hands. Walk around.
Find a quiet spot with place to sit. Sit.
Chat. Hug. Kiss. Chat. Laugh. Kiss. Laugh. Chat.
Get quiet. Wonder, almost despair. Hurt. Listen.
Look up. Listen some more. Smile. Comment. Hurt again.
Question. Lie. Question again. Lie again. Kiss and hug.
Exchange of smiles. Forget about wondering. And about hurting.
Remember things are amazing. Get happy.
And then remember it's almost dark. Get up. Go outside. Walk.
Hesitate. Kiss. Hesitate. Chat. Hesitate. Smile. Walk away.

quinta-feira, 24 de dezembro de 2009

Ah!

E de novo e de novo e de novo e de novo.
Pra que você faz isso? Seu timing nunca foi pior. E suas promessas nunca foram quebradas de forma tão egoísta.
Machuca, você não sabia? Porque você prometeu. Tantas vezes. E machuca porque você sabe que essa não é uma boa hora pra isso. Só que você continua querendo, continua fazendo, continua.. achando que está tudo bem.
Tudo bem, eu supero. Já superei antes não é?
Just saying... você, de vez em quando, faz as coisas mais egoístas achando que é super normal.
Bom, não é normal. Nada disso foi normal.

segunda-feira, 14 de dezembro de 2009

Broken Strings

She was just walking about.. Just trying to not look so lonely. He was sitting with friends. Laughing and flirting as he always did so naturally.
It took them seconds to notice each other. She stopped. He smiled. She caught up and nodded.
His friends had ignored them after trying to make sense of their quietness. He got up, said hi, went in her direction.
She kept her cool, asked how he was doing. He was fine, dating, as usual. He asked about her. She was better than ever, unusually. He said he missed her, he'd call her to set a date for them to go out. She nodded politely, gave her number. She said she had to go, as if someone was waiting her. He said ok, nice seeing you. As if they were just a couple of strangers.
So she walked off, thinking of having some ice cream and maybe calling her friends for a movie. He watched her slip away. It was when she was almost turning the corner that he yelled:
"When did we become this?"
And she turned, surprised but not at all confused.
"How would I know? You gave up. I just let it go eventually. I couldn't wait any longer"
"I never wanted to give up"
"But that doesn't change the fact that you did"
"I'm sorry" He stepped forward, every person around was looking now. "I never wanted us to be strangers.. to have polite sidewalk conversations. I.."
"I'm sorry too. But you know we can't go back. We'll never be the same again." She half-smiled, half-held-the-tears-inside. "We're not as strong as we wish we were"
"I think we are. And, yeah, ok, maybe we won't be the same. But let us exist again?"
"Us will always exist"
"Then why are you crying?" They were so close now he could easily see her tears.
"I'm not.. I.. Thank you"
And then he hugged her. Like he used to. Like her friend. He hugged her cause he knew what she meant, and he wanted to thank her too. He hugged her cause she was right, things wouldn't be the same, but they could still be. Because they loved each other. Because they could go back to each other when the whole world crumbled. Because, somehow, they were tragic alone, but great together.
Because they were them, no matter how long it had been, and no matter how much it hurt.

sábado, 12 de dezembro de 2009

Full-of-crap-little-jerk

Sabe, eu já perdi tempo demais com você. Mesmo. Chega.
Você sempre chega, surpreende, rouba de volta a parte de mim que eu havia te dado. Você me anima, me encanta e me vicia. E de repente, você vai embora e leva consigo aquela parte de mim. E eu fico de novo tentando entender porque. Que nem uma idiota. Demora, mas uma hora eu percebo que eu tenho que reconstruir aquela parte de mim que você roubou. Devagar e pacientemente, eu me completo mais uma vez. Me preparo de novo. E o ciclo recomeça. Quantas vezes você não fez isso comigo? Virou meu problema eterno. De alguma forma eu não consigo quebrar o ciclo, como uma idiota esperando pela mudança. Eu acredito nas suas desculpas, nas suas explicações, nas suas ceninhas de vítima. Burra.
A verdade é que agora já deu. Você teve bilhões de chances. E todas você jogou fora. Não me perguntou se eu aceitava, não teve nem coragem de arranjar uma briga qualquer pra justificar-se. Não. Você só jogou fora sem me explicar. Me deixou no silêncio. E quando eu me lembrava de você, não tinha nada ruim pra lembrar, porque você fez tudo perfeito, sem erros. Mas eu cansei.
Agora, eu quero você como você me quis. Amigos. Cinemas, restaurantes, até de mãos dadas eu ando se você quiser. Mas no fim do dia, eu não vou ligar pra você. Porque você perdeu sua chance (suas chances, na verdade). Dessa vez, eu ligo pra outra pessoa, pra alguém que não vai me fazer o mal que você fez. E você vai finalmente perceber que já era.
E vai sumir de novo...

Mas vê se demora pra aparecer, dessa vez.

quarta-feira, 2 de dezembro de 2009

All the 4 "Us"

So, I'm not sure what's gonna happen to us. Yeah, us. All the 4 "us" that I can think about.
First Us: I love you. Always have, always will. And now more than ever, I know your essential in my life. I'm sorry I didn't let you do it in your terms, your own time. I was always stubborn and curious, that you know. My head hasn't made a decision yet and maybe, just maybe, by the time it does, I won't need a decision. I might be making this a bigger deal than it is. But then again, you know I'm a master in the art of exagerating. Anyway, I don't want to loose you, to loose us. And I'm sorry for all the times I was mean and annoying. I love you.
Second Us: What the hell is going on with you? Why can't we carry a normal conversation like we used to anymore? Maybe you do have the right to be mad, or to be mean to me, but at least don't change it every five seconds. If I did anything, I'm sorry. Never meant to hurt you. You're that great and never would I imagine that we'd be in this position. We were always just so.. comfortable.
Third Us: I miss us. I miss us so much it hurts. And I don't think I can do much about it. We all have knew people in our lives, and we all have other things to do, other places to go. I knew things would change, we all did. Yet somehow I'm sorry we weren't able to keep it all going. I'm sorry I don't know what's going on in your lives anymore, and I'm sorry it's been so long since I've talked to some of you. I still love you and miss you. And most importantly, I still love us.
Forth Us: It's gonna be a new time for us, won't it? Next year everything is gonna change. We know it. Everything will be "the last one". And I'm not ready for it. I had too many "last one"s. In the end I can only say I never meant to find a group of people that I cared for and enjoyed this much. You all made me laugh, every single day, like I never laughed before. With you guys I found myself, long lost somewhere in cyber space. With you guys, I had the best moments, I had support and love and most of all, I had friendship. Please, let us be us for more than just this last year together? I'm not ready.