Her heart was pounding. She was mad, sad, disappointed. Lost.
She was hoping for some words. All she got was hurt.
Why did she even bother walking in the sun just to see him? Why bother running after the one guy she thought would never hurt her but made her realize such a person doesn't exist? Why bother going all the way over to hear the last thing she wanted to hear?
All the way home, she was lost. She held back tears, she fought demons. She tried as hard as she could to think "you know what? I can't hate him, he did nothing wrong". If only rational thoughts could win over her emotions.
Maybe she shouldn't have taken action. Maybe she should have done it his way. Waited for the weekend, meet up somewhere nice. Talk calmly. Oh fuck it. If she had done it his way, they would never have known about each other's... stories.
Her friends accused her of being just like Friends' Rachel a billion times. Well, she never felt more like her. Even if she always thought Rachel was wrong and they really "were on a break".
It' exhausting, she thought, getting heart broken and losing a best friend at the same time, it's exhausting. But where had she gone wrong? Where did everything go wrong? Oh, shit. She knew she would never figure this out. And that thought only made her feel more lost.
Worst of all: she needed the friend she knew would be there to make her smile again, make her problems go away, but that friend had just thrown away what she loved so much. She couldn't stop reminding herself of all the times she had predicted he would leave her behind just like he does with all his friends. She tortured herself reminding every single time he denied he would ever do that. Well, what does he think he's doing now?
By the time she got home, tears were everywhere. The sobbing never stopped. She cried herself to sleep and realized he hadn't broken her heart in half. He had smashed it into millions of little pieces. And she had honestly ran out of glue.
He would be forever the guy she would never forget or forgive herself for losing.
He would forever be the most missed best friend.
And he would be every where with her, all the time. All the different places she'd go to, she would imagine being there with him. Torturing. Lovingly.